Friday 30 January 2015
Still very sober.....busy week.....report card are due soon, dance classes, coaching basketball games, running on treadmill, spiritual group meeting, groceries, skating with students, laundry, housework, playing with kids, marking assignments, snowshoeing with students, work, shovelling, feed pets, talk to puppy, sleep, drinking coffee.....thank God for coffee right now at this moment..... Still very sober....
Tuesday 27 January 2015
....on Cravings
Damn it! Cravings suck! I was so thirsty after work today..... and not for water. Still trying to figure out what triggered it. Here are some things that came to mind....
When I first decided to quit drinking, I promised myself that I'd make it to day 30. Now that I'm passed my goal, I wonder if my mind is trying to convince me that I'm okay to drink now. I've made it and have nothing left to prove kinda thing....
I'll have to admit that loneliness is hitting home. I don't have a lot of friends as it is, being a busy single mom and all. Most of my co-workers are married. My two drinking buds are just that....drinking buds... which kinda leaves me feeling lonely and vulnerable.
My bills are creeping up on me. I have electric heat and this winter has taken a toll on this house. My bill yesterday for one month was $415! Not joking!
My ex wants to get back together. I've been thinking about it. Now, that I've discovered a lot about myself and found a new sense of peace and serenity, I think I'm more capable of loving him again.... I think.
Tuesday night is my only night off....no kids' sports or dance....no other commitments....it use to be my drinking ....I don't have to go anywhere.....night....
I was thirsty for something cold and really felt like just being numb for a couple of hours....to stop thinking....
I've been eating like shit, two chocolate bars in two days...and I mean big ones..... piss me off!
I feel exhausted and can't seem to get a good, full night sleep.
Gosh! Now that I see my triggers in black and white, I can easily see why my day was off! Thank God for buttered popcorn and tea. Thank God I made it to bedtime.....sober.
When I first decided to quit drinking, I promised myself that I'd make it to day 30. Now that I'm passed my goal, I wonder if my mind is trying to convince me that I'm okay to drink now. I've made it and have nothing left to prove kinda thing....
I'll have to admit that loneliness is hitting home. I don't have a lot of friends as it is, being a busy single mom and all. Most of my co-workers are married. My two drinking buds are just that....drinking buds... which kinda leaves me feeling lonely and vulnerable.
My bills are creeping up on me. I have electric heat and this winter has taken a toll on this house. My bill yesterday for one month was $415! Not joking!
My ex wants to get back together. I've been thinking about it. Now, that I've discovered a lot about myself and found a new sense of peace and serenity, I think I'm more capable of loving him again.... I think.
Tuesday night is my only night off....no kids' sports or dance....no other commitments....it use to be my drinking ....I don't have to go anywhere.....night....
I was thirsty for something cold and really felt like just being numb for a couple of hours....to stop thinking....
I've been eating like shit, two chocolate bars in two days...and I mean big ones..... piss me off!
I feel exhausted and can't seem to get a good, full night sleep.
Gosh! Now that I see my triggers in black and white, I can easily see why my day was off! Thank God for buttered popcorn and tea. Thank God I made it to bedtime.....sober.
Monday 26 January 2015
...on Day 30
Wow! I'm already here. One month of sobriety under my belt. Although I've passed one month before, things are different for me this time.
I can honestly say that I've been truly blessed over the last 30 days. I haven't had a lot of cravings and bullshit to deal with yet. I've been laying low....avoiding the world and the people that could influence my decisions......and I've been dealing with everyday stressors in a calmer, more manageable fashion. The fact is....I've been doing a lot of praying.
I'm grateful for my children, my home, my puppy, my career. I'm grateful for my health. But best of all...I'm grateful for this third chance to really grab my sobriety by the horns and never let go.....
I can honestly say that I've been truly blessed over the last 30 days. I haven't had a lot of cravings and bullshit to deal with yet. I've been laying low....avoiding the world and the people that could influence my decisions......and I've been dealing with everyday stressors in a calmer, more manageable fashion. The fact is....I've been doing a lot of praying.
I'm grateful for my children, my home, my puppy, my career. I'm grateful for my health. But best of all...I'm grateful for this third chance to really grab my sobriety by the horns and never let go.....
Sunday 25 January 2015
...on Winter
Winter.
I dreaded winter for so many years. It seems like everytime winter came around again, I'd go through a major depression and just wanted to hibernate from the world....like a friggen bear.
Things are different for me today. Winter is here in Canada. It's here with a vengeance. And, for some reason, I'm appreciating it a little more than I ever have.
I read someone's post on a blog a few weeks back on how amazing it was to snuggle up on a cold winter's day with a good book...and I thought....hell yeah! I love that!
That's when I decided to change my thoughts about this season. When you change your negative thoughts into becoming more positive, can you ever appreciate the little things that were missing from your life.
Winter.
Yes it's cold, but it's here and we can't do nothing to change that. So, let's embrace it.
I've decided to embrace winter this year. Here are some pics of some winter, sober fun with my kids. We've been having so much fun out there. We laugh, we play, we love.... and I can honestly say I am fully present.....finally.
Saturday Snowball Fight
Sunday Night Slidding
Drove by this beautiful park,
stopped, got out....
Embrace winter....
I dreaded winter for so many years. It seems like everytime winter came around again, I'd go through a major depression and just wanted to hibernate from the world....like a friggen bear.
Things are different for me today. Winter is here in Canada. It's here with a vengeance. And, for some reason, I'm appreciating it a little more than I ever have.
I read someone's post on a blog a few weeks back on how amazing it was to snuggle up on a cold winter's day with a good book...and I thought....hell yeah! I love that!
That's when I decided to change my thoughts about this season. When you change your negative thoughts into becoming more positive, can you ever appreciate the little things that were missing from your life.
Winter.
Yes it's cold, but it's here and we can't do nothing to change that. So, let's embrace it.
I've decided to embrace winter this year. Here are some pics of some winter, sober fun with my kids. We've been having so much fun out there. We laugh, we play, we love.... and I can honestly say I am fully present.....finally.
Saturday Snowball Fight
Sunday Night Slidding
Skiing
Drove by this beautiful park,
stopped, got out....
Skating at the Rink
An Outdoor Run.....it was sunny and awesome!
I have a thing for Bluejays....I got this from my mom....
Taken at her home on the lake
Embrace winter....
...on Mind, Body and Spirit
I have been searching for answers for so many years. Answers to the simplest questions;
what make me happy?
what do I want in my life?
why am I still single?
will I ever get married again?
where is God? is there a God?
why can't I find spirituality like so many other people?
how can I be a better mom?
why can't I stop drinking?
am I an alcoholic?
why am I so stressed all the time?
how will I pay off all my debt?
what is my purpose in this life?
what happens after I die?
will my children be okay?
who am I?
All these years...all these questions....and all along the answers were right here.....
I am not my mind. I am not my body. I..... am Spirit.....
Maybe I've been watching too much of Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, but this is what I've come to believe.
The Mind
Our mind is a powerful, powerful thing. If you sit in stillness, you will have no choice but to listen to your mind go on and on and on.....You may even want to tell it to shut up once in a while, but that won't work. It could be so damn frustrating because sometimes we just want to hear nothing.... But, why would your mind want to stop? I think it wants to be in control over your thoughts, your emotions, your body and your person. It enjoys being in control. It's in partnership with your ego. They are like a team in there...trying to stray you away from the person you want to be......
Your thoughts can convince you and distract you from so many things in your life...so many things that you are missing....because you are letting your mind control you.......Have you ever driven to work or home and wondered how you got there? I bet you have been so deep in your thoughts that you often miss the little important things that are right in front of your eyes....the beautiful sunshine, birds soaring in the sky, children laughing....
Let's compare your mind to a wild animal.....a horse... Mustangs are usually known to run wild and out of control in nature. What if we tamed the wild horse? Yes, it could be done....with time and a lot of patience.
Now, imagine taming your mind. With time and patience and the realization that we do have control over our thoughts, our lives can be so much more manageable.
Try this.... Close your eyes.... picture a red triangle.....
Did you see the red triangle?
If you did, you were able to control your thoughts, just like that!
So, if we are able to control our thoughts and become aware of our thoughts, we should be capable of dividing our minds from who we are. We do this by immediately becoming the observer of our thoughts. We become aware of our thoughts. We let our thoughts go through us and we let them go by bringing ourselves back to the present moment. This great sense of awareness helps us feel empowered. Once we are aware of our thoughts, we can make the changes necessary to become the people we want to be.
We separate the mind from the soul. We get out of our heads. When our mind tells us to pick up a drink, we don't listen. When our mind tells us not to exercise today, we don't listen. When our mind convinces us to give up on our dreams, we don't listen. We get up everyday and tell our minds that we are going to live in the present moment.....we are not going to listen to it. We are not going to let it take over our lives.
YOU are not your thoughts.
You are that person that doesn't want to drink, that wants to be healthy and fit, that has dreams. Get empowered today and do not let your mind convince you otherwise. Be present, every single minute of the day. Keep your mind in check, running smoothly along a straight trail.....not off on a tangent like some wild horse.
The Body
I truly believe that our body is just a vessel. It's a borrowed vessel that we have until our spirit leaves it and it dies. We need to take care of this body we have. We need to keep it strong and healthy. We only have this one vessel during this lifetime. When I look at myself in the mirror, the reflection I see is not really me. It's merely the human form of me. I am the spirit person, inside that body and I am perfect and whole. "I have been created in God's image." How many times do we hear this and not really think about what it means. It means that all that I do is what God wants me to do.... all that I am is what He wants me to be....
Listen to this morning prayer taken from Illuminata by Marianne Williamson
Dear God,
I give this day to You.
May my mind be centered on the things of spirit.
May I not be tempted to stray from love.
As I begin this day, I open to receive You.
Please enter where You already abide.
May my mind and heart be pure and true,
and may I not deviate from the things of goodness.
May I see the love and innocence in all mankind, behind the masks we all wear and the illusions of this worldly place.
I surrender to You my doings this day.
I ask only that they serve You and the healing of the world.
May I bring Your love and goodness with me, to give unto others wherever I go.
Make me the person You would have me be.
Direct my footsteps, and show me what You would have me do.
Make the world a safer, more beautiful place.
Bless all Your creatures.
Heal us all, and use me, dear Lord, that I might know the joy of being used by You.
Amen.
God is already in each and everyone of us. He's in me right now....probably helping me write this post. He has a message for all of us. We just need to be open to receiving it.
Who am I? I am Jeannette.... spirit.....love....hope....faith......
what make me happy?
what do I want in my life?
why am I still single?
will I ever get married again?
where is God? is there a God?
why can't I find spirituality like so many other people?
how can I be a better mom?
why can't I stop drinking?
am I an alcoholic?
why am I so stressed all the time?
how will I pay off all my debt?
what is my purpose in this life?
what happens after I die?
will my children be okay?
who am I?
All these years...all these questions....and all along the answers were right here.....
I am not my mind. I am not my body. I..... am Spirit.....
Maybe I've been watching too much of Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, but this is what I've come to believe.
The Mind
Our mind is a powerful, powerful thing. If you sit in stillness, you will have no choice but to listen to your mind go on and on and on.....You may even want to tell it to shut up once in a while, but that won't work. It could be so damn frustrating because sometimes we just want to hear nothing.... But, why would your mind want to stop? I think it wants to be in control over your thoughts, your emotions, your body and your person. It enjoys being in control. It's in partnership with your ego. They are like a team in there...trying to stray you away from the person you want to be......
Your thoughts can convince you and distract you from so many things in your life...so many things that you are missing....because you are letting your mind control you.......Have you ever driven to work or home and wondered how you got there? I bet you have been so deep in your thoughts that you often miss the little important things that are right in front of your eyes....the beautiful sunshine, birds soaring in the sky, children laughing....
Let's compare your mind to a wild animal.....a horse... Mustangs are usually known to run wild and out of control in nature. What if we tamed the wild horse? Yes, it could be done....with time and a lot of patience.
Now, imagine taming your mind. With time and patience and the realization that we do have control over our thoughts, our lives can be so much more manageable.
Try this.... Close your eyes.... picture a red triangle.....
Did you see the red triangle?
If you did, you were able to control your thoughts, just like that!
So, if we are able to control our thoughts and become aware of our thoughts, we should be capable of dividing our minds from who we are. We do this by immediately becoming the observer of our thoughts. We become aware of our thoughts. We let our thoughts go through us and we let them go by bringing ourselves back to the present moment. This great sense of awareness helps us feel empowered. Once we are aware of our thoughts, we can make the changes necessary to become the people we want to be.
We separate the mind from the soul. We get out of our heads. When our mind tells us to pick up a drink, we don't listen. When our mind tells us not to exercise today, we don't listen. When our mind convinces us to give up on our dreams, we don't listen. We get up everyday and tell our minds that we are going to live in the present moment.....we are not going to listen to it. We are not going to let it take over our lives.
YOU are not your thoughts.
You are that person that doesn't want to drink, that wants to be healthy and fit, that has dreams. Get empowered today and do not let your mind convince you otherwise. Be present, every single minute of the day. Keep your mind in check, running smoothly along a straight trail.....not off on a tangent like some wild horse.
The Body
I truly believe that our body is just a vessel. It's a borrowed vessel that we have until our spirit leaves it and it dies. We need to take care of this body we have. We need to keep it strong and healthy. We only have this one vessel during this lifetime. When I look at myself in the mirror, the reflection I see is not really me. It's merely the human form of me. I am the spirit person, inside that body and I am perfect and whole. "I have been created in God's image." How many times do we hear this and not really think about what it means. It means that all that I do is what God wants me to do.... all that I am is what He wants me to be....
Listen to this morning prayer taken from Illuminata by Marianne Williamson
Dear God,
I give this day to You.
May my mind be centered on the things of spirit.
May I not be tempted to stray from love.
As I begin this day, I open to receive You.
Please enter where You already abide.
May my mind and heart be pure and true,
and may I not deviate from the things of goodness.
May I see the love and innocence in all mankind, behind the masks we all wear and the illusions of this worldly place.
I surrender to You my doings this day.
I ask only that they serve You and the healing of the world.
May I bring Your love and goodness with me, to give unto others wherever I go.
Make me the person You would have me be.
Direct my footsteps, and show me what You would have me do.
Make the world a safer, more beautiful place.
Bless all Your creatures.
Heal us all, and use me, dear Lord, that I might know the joy of being used by You.
Amen.
God is already in each and everyone of us. He's in me right now....probably helping me write this post. He has a message for all of us. We just need to be open to receiving it.
Who am I? I am Jeannette.... spirit.....love....hope....faith......
Saturday 24 January 2015
Today is gonna be a great day! I have the whole day to myself.....and my books...
I plan on writing a few blog posts today! So much has been happening to me! I've learned so much in the past few weeks....I don't even know where to start....I joined a few friends in a book club (we meet Thursday nights), I've achieved a personal record in running ( 5 KM under 30 minutes), I've lost a few pounds, I've become more spiritual, I've loved myself a lot more this week, I've been calm, I've been sober, I've even cleaned out my house and got rid of all the booze and empties that have been lurking around....
Now! That felt wonderful!
Get ready for some great posts!! Hope everyone is having a wonderful sober weekend!
Tuesday 20 January 2015
...on Fear
I've been doing so much reading, viewing and listening to spiritual people recently. ...and boy am I ever learning lots. I'm learning to listen....like I mean really listen to others and I'm learning that I don't have to always have something to say.....
Sometimes, I wonder where the hell I've been all my life. Things seem so friggen simple.
I've always been the type of person to please others. I love to talk, to entertain and to make people laugh every chance I get. I've always felt that if others weren't pleased with me.... I was at fault. I've always taken blame and responsibility for other peoples' discomfort or pain. I've never been able to confront people if something bothered me or if I wanted to get something off my chest. I've learned to just keep my mouth shut....because in reality, it saved a lot of grief and worry.
What have I been so afraid of? Why can't I just tell people what I want to say? Why do I avoid situations? Why do I say sure...when I really want to say no?
F E A R....
It's the only answer I can come up with....and I know it's a good one!
I'm always and always have been so friggen scared to piss people off. I hate it when people are mad at me so I avoid all sticky situations ....or I go even as far as to say yes to things I don't really want to do. I know and understand the fact that not everybody will like me. And, I'm okay with that. But, it really makes me uncomfortable to know that someone is upset with something I've said or done....even if it was an accident.
Now, that I'm sober, it's harder to deal with these feelings. I've had a couple of incidents in the last two weeks where I did speak my mind and let me tell you.....having a drink to calm my body down did cross my mind a couple of times. Thank goodness I have a friend at work that has been reading about the same stuff I'm reading. She kept me grounded and reminded me of all the things we've been working on....
Here's what I've learned:
1. There are more important things to life than being worried about other peoples' feelings.
2. I have to tell people how I feel about certain situations and face my fears.
3. I am not in control of other peoples' reactions or behaviours.
4. If someone is mad at me....it's their problem and they will have to figure out what that problem is within their own body and soul.
5. I have a right to voice my opinions and thoughts.
See. Simple.
Deal with the feelings. Be aware of them. Let them pass through you. Remember who you are. Breathe.
Oh yeah! If you're an Oprah lover, (depending on where you live)....her Super Soul Sunday show is on OWNetwork tomorrow morning at 7 am. She is speaking with the author of the book "The Untethered Soul" ...Michael Singer. OMG !! I can't wait to watch this before I go to work. I've been reading the book...only on Chapter 3 but very powerful messages so far.....Here's an exert of the show....you can find more on YouTube!
Sometimes, I wonder where the hell I've been all my life. Things seem so friggen simple.
I've always been the type of person to please others. I love to talk, to entertain and to make people laugh every chance I get. I've always felt that if others weren't pleased with me.... I was at fault. I've always taken blame and responsibility for other peoples' discomfort or pain. I've never been able to confront people if something bothered me or if I wanted to get something off my chest. I've learned to just keep my mouth shut....because in reality, it saved a lot of grief and worry.
What have I been so afraid of? Why can't I just tell people what I want to say? Why do I avoid situations? Why do I say sure...when I really want to say no?
F E A R....
It's the only answer I can come up with....and I know it's a good one!
I'm always and always have been so friggen scared to piss people off. I hate it when people are mad at me so I avoid all sticky situations ....or I go even as far as to say yes to things I don't really want to do. I know and understand the fact that not everybody will like me. And, I'm okay with that. But, it really makes me uncomfortable to know that someone is upset with something I've said or done....even if it was an accident.
Now, that I'm sober, it's harder to deal with these feelings. I've had a couple of incidents in the last two weeks where I did speak my mind and let me tell you.....having a drink to calm my body down did cross my mind a couple of times. Thank goodness I have a friend at work that has been reading about the same stuff I'm reading. She kept me grounded and reminded me of all the things we've been working on....
Here's what I've learned:
1. There are more important things to life than being worried about other peoples' feelings.
2. I have to tell people how I feel about certain situations and face my fears.
3. I am not in control of other peoples' reactions or behaviours.
4. If someone is mad at me....it's their problem and they will have to figure out what that problem is within their own body and soul.
5. I have a right to voice my opinions and thoughts.
See. Simple.
Deal with the feelings. Be aware of them. Let them pass through you. Remember who you are. Breathe.
Oh yeah! If you're an Oprah lover, (depending on where you live)....her Super Soul Sunday show is on OWNetwork tomorrow morning at 7 am. She is speaking with the author of the book "The Untethered Soul" ...Michael Singer. OMG !! I can't wait to watch this before I go to work. I've been reading the book...only on Chapter 3 but very powerful messages so far.....Here's an exert of the show....you can find more on YouTube!
Monday 19 January 2015
Sunday 18 January 2015
....just as I though...4 o'clock comes and so did the stress and bullshit of everyday life. ...parents....sisters....kids.....messes.....noise.....bills....
Damn ....my mind works way too hard and I think way too much.
Drinking isn't an option for me today, even though I haven't emptied my liquor cabinet yet....so I took a time-out, layed in my bed, turned off all outer noise, and listened to nothing.
My daughter came in to find me about 10 minutes later. I smiled. She asked me what I was doing. I said I was being proactive. She understood and said she was gonna start supper. I hugged her and said I'm here honey. I got it....
I'm breathing. .....
Damn ....my mind works way too hard and I think way too much.
Drinking isn't an option for me today, even though I haven't emptied my liquor cabinet yet....so I took a time-out, layed in my bed, turned off all outer noise, and listened to nothing.
My daughter came in to find me about 10 minutes later. I smiled. She asked me what I was doing. I said I was being proactive. She understood and said she was gonna start supper. I hugged her and said I'm here honey. I got it....
I'm breathing. .....
...on Being Grateful
I woke up this morning feeling grateful....so very grateful for this gift I have discovered...this gift of sobriety....this gift of mindfulness....this gift of living in the present.
It's great isn't it? If you have been sober for more than a few days, you probably know exactly what I mean. If you haven't been here yet, you don't know what you're missing.
We can look at alcoholism in two ways. We can look at it as a gift or we can look at it as pain. When we are stuck in it...it's painful. But, when we overcome it...and discover the other side, it's such an amazing gift.
If I wasn't an alcoholic, I don't think I'd see my life and blessings as I see them today. I have done so much soul searching, reading, journalling, and learning about who I am and what makes me happy in the past month, I sometimes wish I would have learned all these things years ago. I feel more alive today then I did when I was 20 or 30 or even 40!
This weekend was probably one of the first times that I was really sober...
...it wasn't just about "not drinking", it was about me..... living in the present moment....listening to others with a quiet and peaceful mind.
I sat back and watched people this weekend....my four beautiful sisters, their partners.... and my parents. I just watched them....and I listened......and took in all their behaviours. Wow! What a sight to see! Sitting back quietly helped me see things that I have missed all my life because I drank every time we got together. I don't think any of them were living in the present. Heck! I never lived in the present either. Everyone was so focused on stressful stuff...the little things that don't really matter. Bitching and complaining and worried about things that only the outside world could do to them. A few were into the booze...numbing their bodies to be someone different. I don't even know if they were grateful for us being all together in one little apartment. Being present, in this beautiful place I have discovered...brought me so much calmness and gratitude for my life. I feel alive again. I feel happy. I am healthier than ever. I feel blessed.
If I wasn't an alcoholic, I really don't think I'd have discovered this amazing gift. The last umpteen times I tried to quit drinking, I just quit drinking. I didn't feel happy or prepared. I felt angry at the outside world for telling me I was an alcoholic and I couldn't have another drink for the rest of my life. I was pissed off when all the daily stresses occurred in my life and felt like I deserved a drink cause I worked for it. All those time, I refused to understand that to really quit drinking is not just about letting go of that bottle......it's about so much more. It's about learning who you are. It's about making changes to daily routines. It's about living in the present and being grateful for so many things in my life. It's about loving myself and accepting myself as a beautiful person and human being. It's about letting God guide me instead of trying to control everything. It's about loving my soul and my spirit. God, I am blessed!!
The meditation I read this morning in "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie was on gratitude.... of all things. It reminded me of how we are faced with challenges, conflicts and stress on a daily basis. We can wake up in the morning feeling super great and by evening, we are so full of stress and anxiety from all of the bullshit we have faced and dealt with during the day. The differences in how I handle all of that stress now, is in how I react to it.... the new me keeps me grounded....keeps me focused on the present, helps me learn to breathe through the stress, helps me let go and deal with it calmly, keeps me aware that it's just the outside world that is in turmoil... and I don't have to let it affect my inside world.....
When I reflect on my weekend, spent with my siblings and parents, I can only hope that one day, they find the gifts that I have found....
It's great isn't it? If you have been sober for more than a few days, you probably know exactly what I mean. If you haven't been here yet, you don't know what you're missing.
We can look at alcoholism in two ways. We can look at it as a gift or we can look at it as pain. When we are stuck in it...it's painful. But, when we overcome it...and discover the other side, it's such an amazing gift.
If I wasn't an alcoholic, I don't think I'd see my life and blessings as I see them today. I have done so much soul searching, reading, journalling, and learning about who I am and what makes me happy in the past month, I sometimes wish I would have learned all these things years ago. I feel more alive today then I did when I was 20 or 30 or even 40!
This weekend was probably one of the first times that I was really sober...
...it wasn't just about "not drinking", it was about me..... living in the present moment....listening to others with a quiet and peaceful mind.
I sat back and watched people this weekend....my four beautiful sisters, their partners.... and my parents. I just watched them....and I listened......and took in all their behaviours. Wow! What a sight to see! Sitting back quietly helped me see things that I have missed all my life because I drank every time we got together. I don't think any of them were living in the present. Heck! I never lived in the present either. Everyone was so focused on stressful stuff...the little things that don't really matter. Bitching and complaining and worried about things that only the outside world could do to them. A few were into the booze...numbing their bodies to be someone different. I don't even know if they were grateful for us being all together in one little apartment. Being present, in this beautiful place I have discovered...brought me so much calmness and gratitude for my life. I feel alive again. I feel happy. I am healthier than ever. I feel blessed.
If I wasn't an alcoholic, I really don't think I'd have discovered this amazing gift. The last umpteen times I tried to quit drinking, I just quit drinking. I didn't feel happy or prepared. I felt angry at the outside world for telling me I was an alcoholic and I couldn't have another drink for the rest of my life. I was pissed off when all the daily stresses occurred in my life and felt like I deserved a drink cause I worked for it. All those time, I refused to understand that to really quit drinking is not just about letting go of that bottle......it's about so much more. It's about learning who you are. It's about making changes to daily routines. It's about living in the present and being grateful for so many things in my life. It's about loving myself and accepting myself as a beautiful person and human being. It's about letting God guide me instead of trying to control everything. It's about loving my soul and my spirit. God, I am blessed!!
The meditation I read this morning in "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie was on gratitude.... of all things. It reminded me of how we are faced with challenges, conflicts and stress on a daily basis. We can wake up in the morning feeling super great and by evening, we are so full of stress and anxiety from all of the bullshit we have faced and dealt with during the day. The differences in how I handle all of that stress now, is in how I react to it.... the new me keeps me grounded....keeps me focused on the present, helps me learn to breathe through the stress, helps me let go and deal with it calmly, keeps me aware that it's just the outside world that is in turmoil... and I don't have to let it affect my inside world.....
When I reflect on my weekend, spent with my siblings and parents, I can only hope that one day, they find the gifts that I have found....
Friday 16 January 2015
I'm going to visit my parents. They are in town for the weekend for a sisters' birthday. Normally I'd feel nervous and worried about being around drinking people but I'm not today. I haven't decided if I'm going to tell them I haven't had a drink in 20 days or if I'll just tell them I'm not feeling good. I may even tell them I have to do a long run tomorrow....that one sounds great and it's kinda true.
At least I can drive there tonight....usually I'd have an excuse for not visiting people, just because I'm drinking on Friday nights.
I get so worried about telling people that I'm not drinking anymore. I worry that it leads to disappointment....or I worry that it doesn't work and I start again...then they'd be disappointed. That's why I'm just gonna be quiet tonight. Nobody needs to know...but me.
I will pray for strength tonight.....and love.....
Giving into my cravings is not an option ,...just for today....
Thursday 15 January 2015
...on Being Ready
If you haven't had an opportunity to hear about the following book, you are missing on some good healing advice on recovery.
http://melodybeattie.com/meditation-guides/
I have to credit this book for guiding me in my decision to quit drinking. I have been reading it for a couple of months...on and off now and the messages it brings us are extremely powerful....inspiring.....motivating.
After drinking over the holidays and feeling like shit, I decided to make reading this book a part of my morning routine. I never really had "me time" routines, and mornings are great, especially because the kids sleep in..... I read somewhere that to break old habits, you need to create new ones. My new habits have definitely helped in my recovery so far. I not only read a daily meditation every morning, I've been running 4-5 times a week. This is helping my body release endorphins, giving me more energy and helping me stay focused on my goals. Mornings give me time to be calm, be present in my own mind, enjoy my run, enjoy my coffee and read. I also get a sense of gratefulness for all the beautiful things I am blessed with.
This is what I read, the morning of December 27th.....the day I took my last drink.
I know you're tired. I know you feel overwhelmed. You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever.
It won't. You are almost through.
You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard. You have been tested, tried, and retested on what you have learned.
You never dreamt things would happen this way, did you? But they did. Now you are learning the secret- they were meant to happen this way, and this way is good, better than what you expected.
You didn't believe it would take this long, either - did you? But it did. You have learned patience. You have been led. Many were the moments when you thought you were forgotten, when you were convinced you had been abandoned. Now you know you have been guided.
Now things are coming into place. You are almost at the end of this phase, this difficult portion of the journey. The lesson is almost complete. You know - the lesson you fought, resisted, and insisted you could not learn. Yes, that one. You have almost mastered it.
You have been changed from the inside out. You have been moved to a different level, a higher level, a better level.
You have been climbing a mountain. It has not been easy, but mountain climbing is never easy. Now you are near the top. A moment longer, and the victory is yours. Steady your shoulders. Breathe deeply. Move forward in confidence and peace. The time is coming to relish and enjoy all which you have fought for. That time is drawing near, finally.
There are a couple more paragraphs and a reflection at the end of this meditation. Isn't it amazing to read something like this ....especially if you are someone who has struggled for so long, trying to fight this disease, once and for all. This was a spiritual awakening for me. It told me that even though I've been trying to "control" my drinking or tried to quit so many times, I wasn't really ready or had the mind frame to follow through. My mind and soul weren't ready. No wonder I couldn't stick to being sober!
I took into consideration that this meditation is probably for someone who has been sober for a long time, fighting for sobriety. But it also reminded me of all the obstacles I've overcome in my life. It seemed like this was a calling for me...like it's my mission to release myself from alcohol and all the grief it brought into my life......like God lifted the burden for me...the burden of the demon that kept lurking it's way into my body.
....when you were convinced you had been abandoned. Now you know you have been guided. This sentence helped me realize that I have been guided to this present day....to where I am today ...all for a reason. I feel stronger than ever! I feel healthier than ever. I feel rested. Present. Calm.
It's time for me to let God guide me on this journey.....and help spread the message that sobriety is an amazing gift.
http://melodybeattie.com/meditation-guides/
I have to credit this book for guiding me in my decision to quit drinking. I have been reading it for a couple of months...on and off now and the messages it brings us are extremely powerful....inspiring.....motivating.
After drinking over the holidays and feeling like shit, I decided to make reading this book a part of my morning routine. I never really had "me time" routines, and mornings are great, especially because the kids sleep in..... I read somewhere that to break old habits, you need to create new ones. My new habits have definitely helped in my recovery so far. I not only read a daily meditation every morning, I've been running 4-5 times a week. This is helping my body release endorphins, giving me more energy and helping me stay focused on my goals. Mornings give me time to be calm, be present in my own mind, enjoy my run, enjoy my coffee and read. I also get a sense of gratefulness for all the beautiful things I am blessed with.
This is what I read, the morning of December 27th.....the day I took my last drink.
I know you're tired. I know you feel overwhelmed. You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever.
It won't. You are almost through.
You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard. You have been tested, tried, and retested on what you have learned.
You never dreamt things would happen this way, did you? But they did. Now you are learning the secret- they were meant to happen this way, and this way is good, better than what you expected.
You didn't believe it would take this long, either - did you? But it did. You have learned patience. You have been led. Many were the moments when you thought you were forgotten, when you were convinced you had been abandoned. Now you know you have been guided.
Now things are coming into place. You are almost at the end of this phase, this difficult portion of the journey. The lesson is almost complete. You know - the lesson you fought, resisted, and insisted you could not learn. Yes, that one. You have almost mastered it.
You have been changed from the inside out. You have been moved to a different level, a higher level, a better level.
You have been climbing a mountain. It has not been easy, but mountain climbing is never easy. Now you are near the top. A moment longer, and the victory is yours. Steady your shoulders. Breathe deeply. Move forward in confidence and peace. The time is coming to relish and enjoy all which you have fought for. That time is drawing near, finally.
There are a couple more paragraphs and a reflection at the end of this meditation. Isn't it amazing to read something like this ....especially if you are someone who has struggled for so long, trying to fight this disease, once and for all. This was a spiritual awakening for me. It told me that even though I've been trying to "control" my drinking or tried to quit so many times, I wasn't really ready or had the mind frame to follow through. My mind and soul weren't ready. No wonder I couldn't stick to being sober!
I took into consideration that this meditation is probably for someone who has been sober for a long time, fighting for sobriety. But it also reminded me of all the obstacles I've overcome in my life. It seemed like this was a calling for me...like it's my mission to release myself from alcohol and all the grief it brought into my life......like God lifted the burden for me...the burden of the demon that kept lurking it's way into my body.
....when you were convinced you had been abandoned. Now you know you have been guided. This sentence helped me realize that I have been guided to this present day....to where I am today ...all for a reason. I feel stronger than ever! I feel healthier than ever. I feel rested. Present. Calm.
It's time for me to let God guide me on this journey.....and help spread the message that sobriety is an amazing gift.
Tuesday 13 January 2015
...on my Daughter
I brought my daughter to her "High School to be..." open house. Ouch! It hurt. I was emotional....I'm not gonna lie. My little girl is starting high school next year. Gosh, floods of memories from my high school days passed me by ...some more pleasant than others.
Life just flies by...in the blink of an eye.
As I watched her excitement grow throughout the night, I did some reflecting. I reflected on our relationship. I was probably not always the best mom at times...ya know...not perfect.
My daughter always despised the fact that I drank. Every time I would try to hide it from her, she knew. She watched me..... It probably didn't help that her father bashed me about my drinking and told her I was a bad person for drinking. It probably didn't help that I puked my guts out in front of her once (2 years ago). It probably didn't help that I relied on booze to "relax" me after a long day at work. She became very withdrawn from me during the last year and I really don't blame her. I've been doing things in front of her that make her feel uncomfortable. She went to counselling last year for anxieties. She told the counsellor that she didn't like it when I drank because it made her feel alone, like she didn't have a mother to rely on. It made her worry about everything and kinda made her feel like she had to take on the mother role.
I was astonished that she would say such a thing. Truth is I only had a couple of glasses of wine or a couple of beers on most nights. I only got really drinking if I had my drinking buddies over or if they were at their dad's house for the night. She knew though....every time. She would avoid calling me and I was just oblivious to this. I brushed off her worries about my drinking and decided that it was her problem. Not mine. She'd just have to accept the fact that I was old enough to make my own decisions. I was doing a great job at controlling it and I was "always" responsible.
Many of my friends and family members blame my kids for making me feel guilty about my drinking. They say things like....are you gonna let them control you? Don't let the kids make you feel guilty...it's not like you're getting drunk....
And, yes...I listened to my friends and family, over my own kids. It's a natural thing I would think... I'm the adult. You're the kids. You can't tell me what to do. I love you. I do everything for you. This is my time.
I often wondered if God sent me my children as a gift to me....a gift to guide and help me become a better person.....or maybe they are angels, sent from Heaven to help me to be strong and free.... to help me find the power to recover from this addiction that could eventually take over my life or kill me. If they weren't such pain in the asses about my drinking, I'd probably be drunk right now. But, they make me want to be sober and alive and healthy. I want them to learn that they can fight for anything they want in their lives. I want them to discover their true spirit and strive for happiness.
I was recently told about a great book called "The Conscious Parent" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. I began reading it yesterday and got to watch a few videos on YouTube. She was featured on Oprah's Lifeclass.
Life just flies by...in the blink of an eye.
As I watched her excitement grow throughout the night, I did some reflecting. I reflected on our relationship. I was probably not always the best mom at times...ya know...not perfect.
My daughter always despised the fact that I drank. Every time I would try to hide it from her, she knew. She watched me..... It probably didn't help that her father bashed me about my drinking and told her I was a bad person for drinking. It probably didn't help that I puked my guts out in front of her once (2 years ago). It probably didn't help that I relied on booze to "relax" me after a long day at work. She became very withdrawn from me during the last year and I really don't blame her. I've been doing things in front of her that make her feel uncomfortable. She went to counselling last year for anxieties. She told the counsellor that she didn't like it when I drank because it made her feel alone, like she didn't have a mother to rely on. It made her worry about everything and kinda made her feel like she had to take on the mother role.
I was astonished that she would say such a thing. Truth is I only had a couple of glasses of wine or a couple of beers on most nights. I only got really drinking if I had my drinking buddies over or if they were at their dad's house for the night. She knew though....every time. She would avoid calling me and I was just oblivious to this. I brushed off her worries about my drinking and decided that it was her problem. Not mine. She'd just have to accept the fact that I was old enough to make my own decisions. I was doing a great job at controlling it and I was "always" responsible.
Many of my friends and family members blame my kids for making me feel guilty about my drinking. They say things like....are you gonna let them control you? Don't let the kids make you feel guilty...it's not like you're getting drunk....
And, yes...I listened to my friends and family, over my own kids. It's a natural thing I would think... I'm the adult. You're the kids. You can't tell me what to do. I love you. I do everything for you. This is my time.
I often wondered if God sent me my children as a gift to me....a gift to guide and help me become a better person.....or maybe they are angels, sent from Heaven to help me to be strong and free.... to help me find the power to recover from this addiction that could eventually take over my life or kill me. If they weren't such pain in the asses about my drinking, I'd probably be drunk right now. But, they make me want to be sober and alive and healthy. I want them to learn that they can fight for anything they want in their lives. I want them to discover their true spirit and strive for happiness.
I was recently told about a great book called "The Conscious Parent" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. I began reading it yesterday and got to watch a few videos on YouTube. She was featured on Oprah's Lifeclass.
Wowzers! What a great time for me to read this book. This lady emphasizes on the fact that our children are sent to us to teach us a lesson. They are sent to us to guide us and help us with something we are dealing with from our own childhood. She couldn't be more right!!
My parents both drank so much and I hated it! I felt like the parent more often then a kid. It was always a stressful environment. They were miserable. They were selfish. I wasn't validated. I wasn't guided. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and know they did the best they could with what they know. I've dealt with that aspect and have forgiven them. It just drives me nuts that I've become them.
I can only move forward from here. I'm addicted to reading....reading ....reading. I'm addicted to learning more and more everyday on ways to stay sober, ways to be a better mom, ways to live in the present, ways to be mindful...
I'm loving sobriety. Day 17
Monday 12 January 2015
...on the Big Book
I've decided to start studying AA, The Big Book. I have to do something! I've only been sober for 16 days now and I find my mind wandering off quite often, bringing me back to my old thoughts of ...."I can drink. I work hard. Why shouldn't I be able to have a couple of glasses of wine while I cook supper? Why shouldn't I go out with my buddies and have a few cocktails? Everyone else does it, and they don't have a "problem". I'm not that bad of a drunk. I'm happy. I haven't done anything illegal....no drinking and driving, not jail time. I haven't really hurt anyone physically while I was drinking. I don't black-out (anymore)"
All these crazy ass thoughts brought me to the end of my last two journeys of sobriety. Was I happier when I listened to my voices? Naw. I'm back here again, fighting for my sobriety. Fighting the damn voice that's trying to convince me to pick up a drink. It's so damn exhausting.
I follow several blogs and Facebook groups. I sit back and wonder how on earth do people quit drinking for days, months or even years! How can I quit something I love so much? I love it! I mean, I love the feeling of numbness, like I can take on the world. I love the relaxation part of it too. And, I love having fun with it. I don't like hangovers and losing sleep but that's part of the deal. Years ago (13), I loved smoking too...I quit that habit. Wasn't easy. But drinking......Geez....it's all I had left to hang on to!
Here's what I learned today, from my reading. We (us...me and you) are binded by this powerful cement that holds us together simply because we understand all the shit we are writing and reading about. We (us...me and you) get it. We understand that our lives could be so much better without the constant thought of booze or getting our next fix. We understand that drinking has taken over our thoughts, our lives. We understand that we feel like shit when we drink now, guilty, unhealthy....and we are tired of it! We are support. We are love. To help just one person that is struggling with addiction would be the best feeling anyone could possibly have. And we do just that....help each other. People, who aren't in our shoes, who don't understand our struggles, aren't supportive and often ask us why we are giving up our drink. If someone had cancer, they would receive all the support and love they would need from their loved ones, to get through their difficult time. But not "us". Our disease isn't viewed as a disease by many. And only "we" can fully understand one another.
Elimination of alcohol is only but a beginning in our lives. It's the beginning of our will to live in the present moment, without blurred vision. Our biggest problem is our mind! It's not our body. And, because our mind is constantly working, creating good thoughts and bad thoughts for us, it's sometimes difficult to remember what we are fighting for. Every moment of the day should be spent being aware of our thoughts and if we can remember that our thoughts are just that....thoughts, then we may be able to remember why we are trying to recover and heal our lives.
Seeing other people's stories of sobriety, having quit and survived for days, months or years, brings us hope.
We really do only have two choices:
1. to continue on to the bitter end, living our life in a fog to avoid the outside circumstances of our existence or
2. to accept spiritual help because we want to and we are willing to make the effort.
....I'll stick with #2 for a while
All these crazy ass thoughts brought me to the end of my last two journeys of sobriety. Was I happier when I listened to my voices? Naw. I'm back here again, fighting for my sobriety. Fighting the damn voice that's trying to convince me to pick up a drink. It's so damn exhausting.
I follow several blogs and Facebook groups. I sit back and wonder how on earth do people quit drinking for days, months or even years! How can I quit something I love so much? I love it! I mean, I love the feeling of numbness, like I can take on the world. I love the relaxation part of it too. And, I love having fun with it. I don't like hangovers and losing sleep but that's part of the deal. Years ago (13), I loved smoking too...I quit that habit. Wasn't easy. But drinking......Geez....it's all I had left to hang on to!
Here's what I learned today, from my reading. We (us...me and you) are binded by this powerful cement that holds us together simply because we understand all the shit we are writing and reading about. We (us...me and you) get it. We understand that our lives could be so much better without the constant thought of booze or getting our next fix. We understand that drinking has taken over our thoughts, our lives. We understand that we feel like shit when we drink now, guilty, unhealthy....and we are tired of it! We are support. We are love. To help just one person that is struggling with addiction would be the best feeling anyone could possibly have. And we do just that....help each other. People, who aren't in our shoes, who don't understand our struggles, aren't supportive and often ask us why we are giving up our drink. If someone had cancer, they would receive all the support and love they would need from their loved ones, to get through their difficult time. But not "us". Our disease isn't viewed as a disease by many. And only "we" can fully understand one another.
Elimination of alcohol is only but a beginning in our lives. It's the beginning of our will to live in the present moment, without blurred vision. Our biggest problem is our mind! It's not our body. And, because our mind is constantly working, creating good thoughts and bad thoughts for us, it's sometimes difficult to remember what we are fighting for. Every moment of the day should be spent being aware of our thoughts and if we can remember that our thoughts are just that....thoughts, then we may be able to remember why we are trying to recover and heal our lives.
Seeing other people's stories of sobriety, having quit and survived for days, months or years, brings us hope.
We really do only have two choices:
1. to continue on to the bitter end, living our life in a fog to avoid the outside circumstances of our existence or
2. to accept spiritual help because we want to and we are willing to make the effort.
....I'll stick with #2 for a while
Sunday 11 January 2015
Prayer for Strength....
I've been tested and challenged today. My cravings for a glass of red wine were extremely strong today. Kids fought. Brought them sliding. They still fought. I'm trying to keep busy with laundry but what do you do with two kids that are miserable? I feel miserable now....which is the times I would drink a nice glass of red wine to unwind ...in the past. I've done my prayer. I've read other prayers. I've eaten. Lots. I've had lots of water. I'm just breathing right now. I'm going to review the 12 steps starting tonight. I think I've decided to focus on one step per month for the next year. I really really want this.....I'm so tired of this vicious cycle. I have to be empowered and stay strong.
Saturday 10 January 2015
...On Mindfulness
When is the last time you washed your hands? ....no...I mean really washed your hands..... feel the warm water between your fingers, feel your hands rubbing together, feel the suds from the soap lather and soften your touch.... Most of us take washing our hands for granted don't we? I bet you the last time you washed your hands, you weren't really there, you weren't "present", in that moment.....your mind was probably somewhere far far away....
Reading up on mindfulness has given me a whole new direction in my life. I've always been the type of person that never really lived in the moment. I was too "busy" thinking of all the shit I had to do. Sure, my body would be present but my mind was always off on a tangent somewhere far far away. Our minds are constantly thinking and talking to us....convincing us of things it thinks we want to hear. It doesn't stop and when we try to quiet the mind for even a few minutes, we realize that it just doesn't shut up. I have been learning the importance of training my mind to be "quiet" so that I can live in the present moment these past few days and boy oh boy... I'm learning so much.
The voices we hear in our minds are not really us. They are just our thoughts. We easily see this when it's time to get up for our workout in the morning, and we don't because our mind tells us to stay warm and cuddled under those blankets. We easily see this when we pick up a drink because our mind tells us that we will just have this one because it's a celebration after all. It's not us that are making some of those decisions. It's the mind that is convincing us to do things we really don't want to do... How many of us let our minds take over until we find ourselves doing things we regret? And, feeding booze to this so called mind really screws things up for us, doesn't it?
If you stop for a minute and just be the "observer" of the voices in your head, you may see that you have more power than it.....you know what you want.... you know what feels good.....you know what decisions you need to make .... If you were to say....fuck it...I'm getting up to finish that workout or fuck it ....I know I don't want to drink because I know it will lead to destructive behaviour.... then you are telling your mind.....shhhh... "I'm empowered and I am not going to let you convince me otherwise."
Be the one that hears the voice. Be the one who notices it talking to you. Be the one who says...shhhh....I want to feel this moment....I want to feel this child's hug..... shhh I want to feel the water run down my body when I'm in the shower.....shhhhh I want to drive to work and see the beauty of nature around me....You are the one that is empowered to push that voice aside so you can be present in your life and make the decisions you want to make ...the ones that will bring you to your place of inner happiness. Isn't it amazing to realize that you are not your voice. You are the observer. You are the one that needs to tell your voice to be quiet...so that you can choose what's good for you.
That voice in your head will never be happy. It will convince you that things are shitty. It will convince you that it's too cold outside. It will convince you that the world sucks. It will convince you that it's okay to drink. It will convince you that your life could be better. But, when we become the observer of the voice and become conscientious of our thoughts, we can begin to take the mind over. We can learn to calm it down. We can learn to convince it and tell it that things are really great. Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to bring our mind with us wherever we go? Gosh ...we'd have no choice but to live in the present moment.....we'd have no choice but to feel the cold outside....we'd have no choice but to feel healthy and sober....we'd have to choice but to feel the warm water running on our hands when we wash them.
I have been more mindful in the past two weeks than I have felt my entire life. I'm enjoying watching my children laugh. I'm enjoying chats with close friends. I'm enjoying helping a friend who needs it right now. I'm enjoying the no hangovers. I'm enjoying the breath in my body. I'm enjoying the feel of water on my skin. I'm enjoying going to work. I'm enjoying my home. I'm enjoying my runs in the morning. I'm enjoying hugs from my kids so much more. It's wild what we feel and see when we just quiet the mind.
Reading up on mindfulness has given me a whole new direction in my life. I've always been the type of person that never really lived in the moment. I was too "busy" thinking of all the shit I had to do. Sure, my body would be present but my mind was always off on a tangent somewhere far far away. Our minds are constantly thinking and talking to us....convincing us of things it thinks we want to hear. It doesn't stop and when we try to quiet the mind for even a few minutes, we realize that it just doesn't shut up. I have been learning the importance of training my mind to be "quiet" so that I can live in the present moment these past few days and boy oh boy... I'm learning so much.
The voices we hear in our minds are not really us. They are just our thoughts. We easily see this when it's time to get up for our workout in the morning, and we don't because our mind tells us to stay warm and cuddled under those blankets. We easily see this when we pick up a drink because our mind tells us that we will just have this one because it's a celebration after all. It's not us that are making some of those decisions. It's the mind that is convincing us to do things we really don't want to do... How many of us let our minds take over until we find ourselves doing things we regret? And, feeding booze to this so called mind really screws things up for us, doesn't it?
If you stop for a minute and just be the "observer" of the voices in your head, you may see that you have more power than it.....you know what you want.... you know what feels good.....you know what decisions you need to make .... If you were to say....fuck it...I'm getting up to finish that workout or fuck it ....I know I don't want to drink because I know it will lead to destructive behaviour.... then you are telling your mind.....shhhh... "I'm empowered and I am not going to let you convince me otherwise."
Be the one that hears the voice. Be the one who notices it talking to you. Be the one who says...shhhh....I want to feel this moment....I want to feel this child's hug..... shhh I want to feel the water run down my body when I'm in the shower.....shhhhh I want to drive to work and see the beauty of nature around me....You are the one that is empowered to push that voice aside so you can be present in your life and make the decisions you want to make ...the ones that will bring you to your place of inner happiness. Isn't it amazing to realize that you are not your voice. You are the observer. You are the one that needs to tell your voice to be quiet...so that you can choose what's good for you.
That voice in your head will never be happy. It will convince you that things are shitty. It will convince you that it's too cold outside. It will convince you that the world sucks. It will convince you that it's okay to drink. It will convince you that your life could be better. But, when we become the observer of the voice and become conscientious of our thoughts, we can begin to take the mind over. We can learn to calm it down. We can learn to convince it and tell it that things are really great. Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to bring our mind with us wherever we go? Gosh ...we'd have no choice but to live in the present moment.....we'd have no choice but to feel the cold outside....we'd have no choice but to feel healthy and sober....we'd have to choice but to feel the warm water running on our hands when we wash them.
I have been more mindful in the past two weeks than I have felt my entire life. I'm enjoying watching my children laugh. I'm enjoying chats with close friends. I'm enjoying helping a friend who needs it right now. I'm enjoying the no hangovers. I'm enjoying the breath in my body. I'm enjoying the feel of water on my skin. I'm enjoying going to work. I'm enjoying my home. I'm enjoying my runs in the morning. I'm enjoying hugs from my kids so much more. It's wild what we feel and see when we just quiet the mind.
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